dx/dt 7x

I don't think I've ever really hated anyone or anything before. There are things, of course, that aggravate me to no end, but I tend to throw the word around carelessly--like a scarf that appears to go with any outfit until you get close enough to see that it's not quite as black as you thought it was, and what's with that orange stripe down the middle? As a culture, we hate a lot of things: terrorism, disease, Commies...but how many of these things do we actually understand? Do we hate out of fear of the unknown? Or do we vest our hatred in matters that we actually despise out of rationality?

Regardless.

I have found two things that I hate: a person and a thing. The thing is calculus. I hate calculus. Hate it. Mathematicians (or annoying friends) will go on and on about the beauty of numbers, the way things work together so perfectly, and how in the end, the right answer is definite. Honestly, I can't see it. Calculus holds no charm or grace for me. The numbers are devoid of elegance. Perhaps it's because it's so definite. There's no room for argument or rethinking. There's no sense of something beyond the realm of reason. There's just an increasingly bad headache as I continue to plod along through my homework, understanding it all and upset that that's all there is to it. What's on the page--nothing more. My answer is seven. Seven is a number. Seven is seven. Seven is not eight or six or twenty-two. Seven is seven, and everything ends there.

Here, it's not a case of misunderstanding. It's a case of complete and utter loathing. How can one love something so simple? How can one love something that reduces everything down to numbers and forgets the true beauty of things--the way a rocket soars against a stunning blue sky, regardless of its trajectory. The steady drip, drip of water from one of those damn conical tanks (and honestly, if my tank was leaking, I wouldn't waste time figuring out how long I had to plug up the leak. I'd plug up the damn leak).

I'm not saying calculus isn't necessary. It just holds...nothing for me. People have been trying to tell me for years that I love math, that my constant insistence on disliking it is a facade for how I really feel. It's not, okay? It's not.

As for the person I hate...well, that's another story.